Overwhelmed

I’m wondering if writing a blog is like Facebook.  Is it supposed to be all “perfect world” posts?  The fact that I have started this at 4:45 am might be a clue that this one will not be one of those posts.

You don’t have to stop reading.  I promise not to be Debbie Downer, but if I’m going to write this every week I have to be honest that every week is not sunshine and roses.

For several mornings in a row I have been wide awake at 4 am.  Historically that means my poor brain is trying to cope with some overload and the fact that I get up and start work means I manage to accomplish something before exhaustion sets in around noon.  I figured out about a decade ago that tossing and turning in bed for hours accomplishes nothing and I’m still exhausted by noon.

So what exactly is going on?  1) I have some big changes on the horizon and I’m working through that transition.  2) I’m having some time management problems.  3) I’m just dealing with general life aggravations like we all do.

I’m going to work through these backwards.  If you have suggestions, I am happy to hear them.

money jar

#3 – Life aggravations.  It’s the end of October.  The holidays are looming.  It’s pathetic, but I do not enjoy the Thanksgiving and Christmas insanity.  I do not enjoy shopping. I don’t really enjoy cooking either.  So here I am at the end of the year with my gift lists and my budget and never the twain shall meet.  I just bought new tires for my car two weeks ago which was a hit to the saving but not dreadful.  My son calls yesterday and his truck (my truck actually) needs over $800 in repairs.  If you noticed an odd repeated “thud, thud, thud” sound yesterday, that was me banging my head on the wall.

This is NOT my desk! All my unfiled papers are neatly stacked inside two large boxes.
This is NOT my desk! All my unfiled papers are neatly stacked inside two large boxes.

#2 – Time management. Overall I am decent with my time management skills, but I have a couple of problem areas.  First, I have a tendency to be a workaholic IF I have work I enjoy.  Give me a project that excites me and I will work through meals, meetings, date nights, etc. You caught that right?  My kids will tell you as will my fiancé that if I’m into something I have no clue what is going on around me.  The dogs will be banging their water bowls and I don’t hear a thing.  I resent being interrupted and they all resent being ignored.  It’s a problem.

On the other end of the spectrum, if there is something I hate to do, I become the Queen of Procrastination.  Three months of filing that needs to be done?  Darn, there is something I need to go research on Pinterest right now!  My patient readers, please pray that I will find the intestinal fortitude to face the two large boxes full of filing that must be done so that I do not have to spend a week of sleepless nights doing taxes this year.  Have I mentioned that my accounting is about two months behind as well?

This is not my stuff, but it's an accurate depiction of my stuff.
This is not my stuff, but it’s an accurate depiction of my stuff.

#1- Life changes.  I believe the saying goes “There are only two things you can count on in life, death and taxes.”  I would add “change” to that list.  This coming Spring I am getting married.  That is a big, YEAH!  But, I have been a divorced, single parent for 13 years living in a suburban area.  Come summer I will be a married, empty nester living in a very rural area.  I’m beginning to believe that adjusting to being married will be the easy part. The logistics of moving my storage unit and all my stuff, beginning to remodel his house, finding my way around a new area, having a 25 minute drive to the nearest grocery store, merging two of EVERYTHING and deciding what stays and goes, adjusting to an hour commute to work from an 8 minute commute, and making my business fit all this without losing customers is making me lose some sleep.

It’s just life.  Messy, inconvenient, overwhelming.  I’m not complaining. These are normal, even good things.  I just need to feel a little more in CONTROL.  That is what it usually comes down to, right?  We need to feel we have some control over what is happening in life.  My conclusion is that we don’t have much control over anything, but what we do have we need to embrace.  I’m going to go make my coffee and breakfast, set the timer and tackle some of that filing and accounting before I start back on my recent fun project which I will show you next week.

Have a wonderful week!

 

 

messy desk photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/31437555@N00/1950409800″>World’s Messiest Office Cubicle Discovered in Colorado</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/”>(license)</a&gt;

money jar photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/76657755@N04/7027604401″>Money</a&gt; via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>(license)</a&gt;

moving photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/97321205@N00/2885703454″>Moving (2)</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/”>(license)</a&gt;

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It can change in an instant

heart in hands

I had the beginnings of three different posts started to choose from this week, but yesterday (Sunday) changed all that.  A friend lost her 28 year old son in an accident.  Another local family lost their son on Friday in a separate accident.  Life changed in an instant.

Even though most of you would not have known the difference it seemed insane to write about a favorite book or website in the aftermath of such shocking news.  My heart hurts and grieves for them. The clarity of the very few things of true value pierces through everything else right now.

I saw my friend as she expertly directed a wedding Saturday afternoon, laughed and danced at the reception and went home to be awakened by the phone call no one wants to get.

I got the news when I walked in the door at church to set up for the service Sunday morning.  There is some comfort in corporate grief.  After the announcement we all sat in silent prayer because our assistant minister could not get the words out without tears. We understood completely.  Our Senior Minister had gone into his office early that morning after he received the call and changed his sermon to one that spoke of grief, the stages of grief, and how to comfort the grieving.  For now, all we can do is wrap them in our prayers, words of love, embraces and provide what basic tasks they need help with.

Like most people who have had five or more decades on this tiny planet, I have had some painful losses.  It seems as one gains the wisdom of experience the more one realizes that there is only a miniscule amount that we have control over.  We can let that lack of control drive us mad (and we all know people who do) or we can learn to embrace the people and the moments tightly, knowing that nothing is guaranteed to be there in an hour much less the next day.

This may seem to be a depressing post today.  I don’t mean it to be, but a sadness grips me right now.  This same weekend I had the delight of seeing the grown and newly engaged, daughter of my late dear friend and college roommate.  Due to circumstances beyond our control, my former college suitemates and I had lost contact with CV after her Mother’s death.  She had been very young at the time.  For oh so many years we thought of her, wondered how she was and prayed for her a wonderful life.  Through the power of social media we found her again and she made the trip with her fiancé to NC for a visit and to learn more about her lovely Mom.  What a wonderful thing to see what a beautiful, sweet, smart, down-to-earth woman she has turned out to be.  It was one of those times to pay attention to and wrap your heart around.

If someone out there happens to read this who is grieving, my prayer for you is that there are people near you to give comfort and if not, you will find your way to someone or someplace that can.  So many people resist a place of faith now, but a good one can truly be a saving grace.

For anyone who is taking what and who is important for granted right now, my prayer for you is that you will become aware and rectify the situation before it’s too late.  Regret is a terrible, awful thing to live with.

Quit working extra hours to buy the boat and go home to read to your kids.  Put down the phone and see your friends face to face.  Spend time with your parents and listen to their stories. Play fetch with your dog for the thousandth time just to see his tail wag. Don’t put off what you love to do until later.  Later your eyes may not see or your hands may not work like they do now, kids leave home, parents pass, friends suffer in silence, dogs are not here nearly long enough.  These are hard earned words, don’t take them for granted.