Cloudy with a chance of grumbling

I have been working around the Hubby’s work schedule this week. His schedule is anything but Monday – Friday, 8 – 5, so I can blame him for this week’s delay.  That comment alone fits into today’s post.

I knew there was a problem when my second cup of coffee hadn’t fixed my gloomy attitude this morning.  Every word the Hub’s spoke, even the stares from the dogs seemed to have negative, underlying connotations. I retreated into my office to work on a sewing project only to have my sewing machine turn on me.  Yes, the clouds of gloom and doom had descended upon me overnight.

storm clouds photo-1465440567949-6062e3a8459f

Ninety-eight percent of the time I have a positive outlook on life and will steamroller my sunny self through any fireballs life throws at me.  One percent of the time I’m Mrs. Chicken Little.  The remaining one percent…you don’t even want to know what that looks like.  The last eruption resulted in a flying glass of chocolate milk.  Luckily those only happen every half decade or so.

So, today I have observed myself dealing with a split personality. Mrs. C.L. being chided for her gloom by Ms. Sunny Cheerleader.  Sunny keeps talking about all the things I have to be grateful for, what a lovely day it is, how much I have accomplished this week, yada, yada, yada.

Sunny would probably have won today if Mrs. C.L. had not had company.  It seems Impatience and Insecurity slithered in sometime last night. Sunny doesn’t have enough weight on her side of the seesaw to balance out the other three combined.

What the heck brought this on?  I have been making a list of possible culprits.

  1.  Not a great night’s sleep. Or several nights of tossing and turning. CHECK
  2.  Missing my kids.  Even though I have talked to both this week, I have a limit on how long I can comfortably go without actually seeing their faces in person.  CHECK
  3.  Disappointment in myself.  Goals not met in the allotted time even though I am making progress.  CHECK
  4.  Interpersonal relationships that I’m not sure of.  That ugly Insecurity whispers things that I have no real evidence of, but they still worm their way into my soul. CHECK
  5.  Not looking after myself like I should.  Exercise has fallen off the radar and I have a serious lack of wine/book/manicure time.  CHECK
  6.  A lack of nature therapy.  This week’s nature time has only been accompanied by a weedeater. CHECK

Is your gloom and doom list similar to mine? Have you ever taken the time to break it down and think about what has you waiting for the sky to fall? Usually I don’t. I just grump about making everyone run for cover.  Why did I bother today?  I’m not sure unless it’s the fact that I do have a new husband who just might ask me what the heck is wrong with me and I needed an answer.  My kids and the dogs never asked…or were afraid to. Hubby has never seen that OTHER 1%, but the kids have warned him!

Wishing you a sun shiney week and I should be back next week in a better mood.

Photo by Jamie Kern

 

Impatience and Disappointment

I forgot.  No excuses.  I just forgot to write a post last week.  I remembered on Saturday evening.  It was even on my To Do list and I still forgot.  I will try not to let that happen again…at least not soon.

At my age you would think that I had learned to be patient in how long things take.  Every time I think I have learned that lesson something else comes along to prove otherwise.

Right now I am aggravated in how long it is taking me to get my work space set up and workable.  I make progress, then something needs to be fixed in the house and here comes all the furniture, appliances, boxes, etc. piled back into my office and it clutters my mind as well as the space.

Last week we finally resolved some car issues that took about a month longer than I would have liked.  It all turned out fine, but my impatience stresses me out for no good reason.

I think there is a serious conversation going on here.
I think there is a serious conversation going on here.

I have been “helping” D. train our horse, Bob.  My helping means I hold the rope and pet the horse when he (Bob) gets stressed. I am trying to learn from D’s patience.  It is one TINY step at a time teaching a horse his ground manners and to accept a rider.  Today consisted of just showing Bob the blanket and putting on and taking it off his back, then trying the same thing with the saddle.  Bob was not thrilled with the saddle.  D. would let him smell it, touch it to his side, then walk away with the saddle.  I have no idea how long this process will last until Bob will calmly accept the saddle on his back.  Three weeks ago Bob wasn’t happy about a bit in his mouth either, but now hardly notices it.

So, I’m trying to keep in mind that life is more of a slow, one step forward, two steps back process.  Eventually you get where you want to go, but it is rarely in our perceived timeframe.

This week’s other life challenge is dealing with disappointment.  Disappointment mainly in people.  I have had two incidents where people I have a high regard for have let me down.  I know things happen and I know business decisions are rarely easy, but the customer service has been highly disappointing.  In my business things go wrong also, but I do my best to make amends and resolve the issue that makes the customer, if not ecstatic, at least satisfied that I did my best to help them.  One of these situations will result in me not using the business again, the other I am waiting to see how it plays out.  I hate feeling this way.  I am a peace, love, give a hug person who despises conflict.  Unfortunately, in our flawed humanity conflict is often more the norm.

A abundance of Zinnas means you draw Zinnas!
A abundance of Zinnas means you draw Zinnas!

On a brighter note, I have found a tiny bit of space to work on drawing and painting again.  I even managed to dig out the sewing machine and make a cushion cover for a chair that the dogs were beginning to cause damage to with their nails.

Oh, and salsa!  We are making salsa and canning it this week.  That just makes me happy.  Fresh tomatoes turned into salsa that I can eat in February and have a taste of summer all over again.  As Martha says, “it’s a good thing.”

I have a salsa addiction.
I have a salsa addiction.