Disappointed

Hello Everyone! Hope life is good for you as we ramp up speed for 2017. Today I have something on my mind that we all have to deal with and it just isn’t fun.  Disappointment.  There is a good chance that if it hasn’t happened to you yet this early in 2017, then it is lurking just around the corner.

Today I am disappointed and, dang, it’s just a little thing, but it is really eating at me and I can’t figure out why.   Back in December I signed up for a “sew along” event online to a) add some new, much needed items to my pitiful wardrobe and b) to keep my mind and hands busy during the winter.  With the sew along event you get a discount on the patterns that are going to be featured.  Well, come to find out this morning, I did not receive the one main pattern discount code that I wanted.  Evidently, it went out the end of December and the deadline to order was January 1.  Somehow, even though I was registered, the email did not get sent to me.

When I emailed the coordinator of the event she apologized, but said there was nothing she could do until the next coupon codes go out in February or March. MARCH!!  This is for a sweater!  By the time I get it made I won’t be able to wear it because it will be SPRING here!!

Honestly, this is just a minor disappointment…supposedly. Or it should be.  But it has pissed me off all morning, like eating at me.  Why?  Maybe because I have made a commitment this year to look after myself better.  Part of that commitment includes getting rid of the ratty clothes in my closet and adding some nice, very specific pieces back in.  I was looking so forward to making this sweater this month to have to wear for the rest of the winter.  I actually planned for two in two different colors.

sewingmachinedo6lc_sb2eg-theotime-gueneau

I think the other reason is that I gave myself a specific budget on the clothes and now this throws off my budget if I buy the pattern at full price or pick another pattern to make as a substitute while I wait for the new code.  Maybe I’m just disappointed that I’m not going to have that new sweater to wear when I want it.

Yuck, that is probably the root of disappointment. Not getting something you want WHEN you want it and EXPECTING a certain outcome that doesn’t happen.   This past weekend I had a conversation that I EXPECTED to be a fun conversation.  Somewhere along the line it took a turn and I was disappointed in how it all ended.  After half a century of walking and living on this earth, I would think by now I would know how to avoid setting myself up for disappointment.

Should we have EXPECTATIONS? It seems like we should. But why?  Looking back over the past few years there was a time when I let go of expectations and was rarely disappointed.  The downside of that time is it was a very dark chapter in my life and I had experienced one life blow after another to the point that I was frankly afraid to expect anything positive.  Now, life is good and I have let myself fall into looking for certain outcomes evidently.  How do you keep a positive attitude, but without expectations???  Someone more enlightened than me needs to jump into this conversation.  I have had several disappointments recently.  None of them huge or life changing disappointments, but they have caused reactions in me that I did not like so it seems to be a ME problem or one of those times when the universe thinks I need to learn a lesson.  Don’t you just hate those?!

Feel free to add your insights. I’m pretty sure this is a universal problem not just mine, even though it is feeling like it right now.

Have a fabulous week…but don’t EXPECT a fabulous week. 😉

 

Photo credit Théotime Guéneau

Cloudy with a chance of grumbling

I have been working around the Hubby’s work schedule this week. His schedule is anything but Monday – Friday, 8 – 5, so I can blame him for this week’s delay.  That comment alone fits into today’s post.

I knew there was a problem when my second cup of coffee hadn’t fixed my gloomy attitude this morning.  Every word the Hub’s spoke, even the stares from the dogs seemed to have negative, underlying connotations. I retreated into my office to work on a sewing project only to have my sewing machine turn on me.  Yes, the clouds of gloom and doom had descended upon me overnight.

storm clouds photo-1465440567949-6062e3a8459f

Ninety-eight percent of the time I have a positive outlook on life and will steamroller my sunny self through any fireballs life throws at me.  One percent of the time I’m Mrs. Chicken Little.  The remaining one percent…you don’t even want to know what that looks like.  The last eruption resulted in a flying glass of chocolate milk.  Luckily those only happen every half decade or so.

So, today I have observed myself dealing with a split personality. Mrs. C.L. being chided for her gloom by Ms. Sunny Cheerleader.  Sunny keeps talking about all the things I have to be grateful for, what a lovely day it is, how much I have accomplished this week, yada, yada, yada.

Sunny would probably have won today if Mrs. C.L. had not had company.  It seems Impatience and Insecurity slithered in sometime last night. Sunny doesn’t have enough weight on her side of the seesaw to balance out the other three combined.

What the heck brought this on?  I have been making a list of possible culprits.

  1.  Not a great night’s sleep. Or several nights of tossing and turning. CHECK
  2.  Missing my kids.  Even though I have talked to both this week, I have a limit on how long I can comfortably go without actually seeing their faces in person.  CHECK
  3.  Disappointment in myself.  Goals not met in the allotted time even though I am making progress.  CHECK
  4.  Interpersonal relationships that I’m not sure of.  That ugly Insecurity whispers things that I have no real evidence of, but they still worm their way into my soul. CHECK
  5.  Not looking after myself like I should.  Exercise has fallen off the radar and I have a serious lack of wine/book/manicure time.  CHECK
  6.  A lack of nature therapy.  This week’s nature time has only been accompanied by a weedeater. CHECK

Is your gloom and doom list similar to mine? Have you ever taken the time to break it down and think about what has you waiting for the sky to fall? Usually I don’t. I just grump about making everyone run for cover.  Why did I bother today?  I’m not sure unless it’s the fact that I do have a new husband who just might ask me what the heck is wrong with me and I needed an answer.  My kids and the dogs never asked…or were afraid to. Hubby has never seen that OTHER 1%, but the kids have warned him!

Wishing you a sun shiney week and I should be back next week in a better mood.

Photo by Jamie Kern

 

Impatience and Disappointment

I forgot.  No excuses.  I just forgot to write a post last week.  I remembered on Saturday evening.  It was even on my To Do list and I still forgot.  I will try not to let that happen again…at least not soon.

At my age you would think that I had learned to be patient in how long things take.  Every time I think I have learned that lesson something else comes along to prove otherwise.

Right now I am aggravated in how long it is taking me to get my work space set up and workable.  I make progress, then something needs to be fixed in the house and here comes all the furniture, appliances, boxes, etc. piled back into my office and it clutters my mind as well as the space.

Last week we finally resolved some car issues that took about a month longer than I would have liked.  It all turned out fine, but my impatience stresses me out for no good reason.

I think there is a serious conversation going on here.
I think there is a serious conversation going on here.

I have been “helping” D. train our horse, Bob.  My helping means I hold the rope and pet the horse when he (Bob) gets stressed. I am trying to learn from D’s patience.  It is one TINY step at a time teaching a horse his ground manners and to accept a rider.  Today consisted of just showing Bob the blanket and putting on and taking it off his back, then trying the same thing with the saddle.  Bob was not thrilled with the saddle.  D. would let him smell it, touch it to his side, then walk away with the saddle.  I have no idea how long this process will last until Bob will calmly accept the saddle on his back.  Three weeks ago Bob wasn’t happy about a bit in his mouth either, but now hardly notices it.

So, I’m trying to keep in mind that life is more of a slow, one step forward, two steps back process.  Eventually you get where you want to go, but it is rarely in our perceived timeframe.

This week’s other life challenge is dealing with disappointment.  Disappointment mainly in people.  I have had two incidents where people I have a high regard for have let me down.  I know things happen and I know business decisions are rarely easy, but the customer service has been highly disappointing.  In my business things go wrong also, but I do my best to make amends and resolve the issue that makes the customer, if not ecstatic, at least satisfied that I did my best to help them.  One of these situations will result in me not using the business again, the other I am waiting to see how it plays out.  I hate feeling this way.  I am a peace, love, give a hug person who despises conflict.  Unfortunately, in our flawed humanity conflict is often more the norm.

A abundance of Zinnas means you draw Zinnas!
A abundance of Zinnas means you draw Zinnas!

On a brighter note, I have found a tiny bit of space to work on drawing and painting again.  I even managed to dig out the sewing machine and make a cushion cover for a chair that the dogs were beginning to cause damage to with their nails.

Oh, and salsa!  We are making salsa and canning it this week.  That just makes me happy.  Fresh tomatoes turned into salsa that I can eat in February and have a taste of summer all over again.  As Martha says, “it’s a good thing.”

I have a salsa addiction.
I have a salsa addiction.

 

A New Season

I have taken some time off from this blog and recovered from some disappointments to get myself back on track. Some of my faith in humanity has been restored (see the post here) so I’m feeling like venturing out of my cave again.

Fall, with a good dose of Winter, has found it’s way back to North Carolina. My time is not spent picking and canning tomatoes now so I have returned to my office/studio.

I had been beating myself up for spending a HUGE amount of time working on a drawing for the U.S. Figure Skating Championship poster contest that I was not accepted into. Here is the piece I submitted.

C Williams Poster LR  entry

I have a love/hate relationship with contests.  I’m not a competitive person, but I like a good challenge.  I don’t like the whole entry fee/waiting to hear thing and not really knowing what the judges are looking for.  After years of being a designer and picking the brains of customers it is a very alien feeling to create something out of thin air without having any real direction.

On the plus side, I had a great time playing with the colors in this poster.  My scan isn’t as good as I had hoped (possibly one reason it wasn’t accepted) so the colors are not true here.  Maybe somewhere down the line I will get it photographed for a print.  I did learn to NOT try to do a large piece in colored pencil under a deadline.  Way too much stress and finger cramps.  I think it will be awhile before I enter another contest…like the 20 years since my last entry!